Moving on after ‘emotional abuse’ is usually difficult but not impossible. Once you have scaled the big hurdle of leaving an abusive relationship, it is important to know how to ‘live again’. Here are a few steps to guide you on the journey to becoming whole again;
- Forgive: You must learn to forgive yourself for allowing the abuse, and understand that it was not your fault. Try to forgive the abuser; this may be difficult but necessary. This is more for your own benefit than theirs. Once you forgive them, you are able to let go of the baggage of that experience. You don’t want to carry over that experience into the next relationship
- Quit Self Blame: It is important to understand that it wasn’t your fault that you were abused. If you don’t have a healthy perception of yourself, you will never be able to give your best in the next relationship. Allow yourself to love & be loved
- Appreciate the experience: Do not see the time spent in the abusive relationship as wasted time. Instead, treat that horrible experience as a learning curve. You learnt how ‘not to be treated’, you learnt ‘what not to tolerate’ and you learnt that you have the strength to walk away from anything that doesn’t contribute positively to your life. You are a survivor, celebrate!
- Allow yourself time to heal: The healing process takes time, so allow yourself to go through that process because you deserve it. You do not have to explain this to anyone, take all the time you need. Take a break to reconnect with yourself, to love yourself beyond the hurtful experience. If you don’t heal completely, you may unknowingly transfer the aggression to the loved ones in your life. Take a break, you deserve it!
- Be patient: Learn to give your new relationships the benefit of doubt. The fact that you were once hurt, doesn’t mean everyone is out to hurt you. Understand that people are different, and it’s okay to allow them express their differences. Do not anticipate abuse, help them help you. This may be difficult in the beginning, but being open about the past abuse in a new relationship could aid better understanding between both parties.